I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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