I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
