This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
