Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
