Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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