If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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