Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
