So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
