So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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