Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
