I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
