she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
