from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
