Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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