Do you still have your period?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
