weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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