This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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