I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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