I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
