Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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