The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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