she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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