based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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