Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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