The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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