Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
