i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
