He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
