woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
