Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
