My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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