apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
