the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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