I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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