i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
