a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
