btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
