i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
