I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
