I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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