Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we're so committed to being not committed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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