GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
