I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
