Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
