the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
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This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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