You just made me feel so damn special
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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