so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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