Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
