i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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