nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
