So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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