dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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