I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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