I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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