booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
