This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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