Non-Jews are for practice
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
