just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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