Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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