she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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