Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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