so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
