Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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